Meryl’s medical music

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Meryl gets little credit for her tireless work as an environmentalist, perhaps because she’s opted to forgo the popular and trendy activities of protecting animals and plants to instead focus on protecting diseases.

It’s an issue that gets little publicity, but someone has to do it and so Meryl has taken up the banner on behalf of endangered diseases everywhere. Without Meryl’s good work, innocent diseases like Polio, Measles, Rubella and Meningitis could become extinct.

All good environmentalists worry about the destruction of habitats through human activities, and the loss of Amazon rainforest as a home for all manner of animals through logging is no more important an issue than the loss of human bodies as a home for diseases through vaccination.

Who will speak for the diseases? Who will protect THEM from dying out? Meryl will!

Meryl is a friend to all diseases, advocating tirelessly on their behalf. She works to correct misconceptions that diseases can injure or kill, explaining instead that they are mild or harmless – even a “gift from a goddess” in the case of Measles. But above all else, Meryl works to protect diseases from harm and ensure they continue to have plenty of human bodies available in which to live and breed.

Vaccination destroys the habitat of Meryl’s favourite diseases, so she opposes it relentlessly. The disappearance of Smallpox was a catastrophic event for the pro-disease community, one which rocked them to the core and brought home just how much we are at risk of losing these diseases from our world forever. Sickness promoters like Meryl swung into action, determined to preserve the diversity of illnesses circulating in our world.

Without Meryl’s efforts, diseases like whooping cough would be contained to small pockets of hippies around the country and Measles would be on the verge of disappearing, like Polio is. Fortunately with Meryl’s help, diseases that were once on the brink of extinction are now coming back strongly. Numbers are growing, populations are becoming self-sustaining as increasing numbers of parents are offering up their children’s bodies as breeding grounds for Meryl’s illnesses. Yes, Meryl is doing a fine job for her cause.

Alas, Meryl gets little respect for her tireless work and we think that $280,000 per year is a grossly inadequate reward for protecting and spreading disease so effectively. So as a small gesture of appreciation, the team over at RtAVM have gifted Meryl a selection of music for her iPod. The songs have been carefully chosen to represent Meryl’s passion and good work in the service of protecting diseases from harm. Here’s her musical top 20:

  1. All the Shingle Ladies
  2. Rubella Tuesday
  3. It’s Raining Meningitis
  4. It had TB you
  5. My Rubella (ella, ella, ella)
  6. I come with the warts down under
  7. I like big Mumps and I cannot lie…
  8. Polio killed the Radio Star
  9. Knowing Measles knowing Flu
  10. I don’t wanna HiB without you…
  11. M-M-M-My Sha-Rotavirus
  12. Stuck in the middle with Flu
  13. My Mumps, My Lovely Lady Mumps
  14. HPV, easy as 123
  15. Girls just wanna have Mumps
  16. She blinded me with pseudo-science
  17. Just the Tetanus (We can make it if we try)
  18. Salk on by
  19. Take a chance of Measles
  20. Ain’t no stopping Tetanus now

Enjoy, Meryl!

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Meryl’s mendacity mocked by MPs

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Awareness of Meryl’s idiocy is at an all time high this week!

After a lengthy campaign against vaccine refusal by scientists, doctors and the media, the cherry on top was this statement in the Australian senate, by senator Richard Di Natale. And what a ripper of a statement it is!

After giving a wonderful summation of Meryl’s stupidity, conspiracy theorist mindset, ongoing propagation of misinformation after being corrected multiple times, persecution of grieving parents and overall callousness, the good senator goes on to call on the AVN to disband. Check it out:

Alas, the AVN gravy train is too lucrative for Meryl to give it up willingly – at last count over $150,000 per year in the AVN accounts without any details of what it was spent on…

Ah Meryl, you’re famous at last! Just not the way you wanted to be famous though…

Meryl gets it wrong, yet again

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A typical day at the AVN Facebook page: starry-eyed acolyte drops by to ask a question of Meryl, self-proclaimed leading vaccination expert in Australia, with some 20 years of “experience”. So far so good, except…oops!

Oh dear, Meryl is schooled in vaccination by a nobody. Again!

Meryl, this is happening so often now it’s getting embarrassing. You’d better do something about it, ASAP! And I don’t mean your usual trick of deleting the whole comment thread, banning everyone involved from the AVN page and pretending it never happened. No, I was thinking of something more like…retiring to save yourself further embarrassment.

Bye Meryl!

Meryl errs on Ebola

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If nothing else, Meryl approaches her antivaccination crusade with total commitment. She’s taken her irrational antivax beliefs all the way to their furthest possible conclusion and come out of the closet as an AIDS denialist specifically and more generally as germ theory denialist.

Even by Meryl’s whacky, crackpot standards this is an amusing blooper though:

Yes, you read that right: Meryl attributes the symptoms of Ebola not to infection with the Ebola virus, but rather to a side effect of vaccination.

Ha ha, go Meryl!

Meryl and the limericks

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Fans of the Stop AVN page on Facebook have been having some rhyming fun with Meryl’s infamous exploits; here are the results:

To read Living Woo magazine
All AVN minions are keen
While taking their money
Meryl finds it so funny
that they’ll pay for what never is seen

‎”I’m a martyr!” you’ll hear Meryl whining
Amid all that self-aggrandising
Pissing on science
Is valid defiance
When Dorey is doing the defining

An anti-vax nutter crusader
A logic and reason evader
A hat of tin foil
A cart of snake oil
Come and join! (Just as long as you’ve paid her.)

The antivax crank, Meryl Dorey
Claims there’s two sides to the story
But her so-called conviction
Is nothing but fiction
An addiction to false claims on glory

Her efforts to be anti-vax
Lead Dorey astray of the facts
Amid the correction
And deceit detection
She scrambles to cover her tracks

Dear Leader cries “ACTION ALERT!
My purse strings are starting to hurt!
So here is a tale
Of woo, woe and wail
Now DONATE, including your shirt!”

An antivax liar named Meryl
Flounders to show there’s a peril
In getting kids vaxed.
Responding with facts
Is like shooting fish in a barrel.

When TV or radio discusses
Measles or mumps or pertussis,
Meryl calls with the claim
That she’s got a brain
Though it struggles to do itself justice

When Meryl was shown to cause harm,
She rushed off to court in alarm
“The H-triple-C
Has no power over me!”
And soon she’ll be losing the farm.

It there’s a lie, Meryl will shout it.
If there’s a law, Meryl will flout it.
Indisputable fact?
Related to vax?
You can bet the farm Meryl will doubt it.

There once was an awful quotee
Whose words were read out on TV
The dirty old rat
Said “Did _I_ say that
I don’t believe I did, let me see”

“Da gubbermint’s ebil” she said
“Dey poyzun us out ov our head
I redd it online
The trooth is all mine
Now subscribe and give me your bread”

A sceptic, dear Meryl is not
When she considers all vaccines to be rot
Her bias and confounding
Are truely astounding
Hence why she is the laughing stock

When Meryl said ‘I have a brain’
My sides split with laughter and pain
A tertiary degree
May yet let her see
Her Dunning and Kruger is plain.

An antivax activist’s story
Spread eagerly by Meryl Dorey
Though baseless in science
Displays her reliance
On appeals to emotion and worry.

Meryl’s new theme song

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Alie Thompson penned a new theme song for Meryl, in recognition of her level of expertise in science & medicine. It should be sung to the tune of “Wonderful World” by Sam Cooke. Enjoy!

Don’t know much about chemistry,
Don’t know much biology.
Don’t know much about a science book,
Don’t know much about journals or books.
But I do know that I love woo,
And I know that if you love woo, too,
What a disease ridden world this would be.

Don’t know much about immunology,
Don’t know much virology.
Don’t know much about mercury,
Don’t know what adjuvants are for.
But I know that one and one is three,
And if you can’t add up like me,
What a disease ridden world this would be.

I don’t claim to be an health adviser,
But I sure would like to be.
For maybe by having a brain, oh baby,
I can win you over to me.

Don’t know much about chemistry,
Don’t know much biology.
Don’t know much about a science book,
Don’t know much about journals or books.
But I do know that I love woo,
And I know that if you love woo, too,
What a disease ridden world this would be.

Chemistry
Biology
Science book
Journals or books.
But I do know that I love woo,
And I know that if you love woo, too,
What a disease ridden world this would be.

Meryl’s accurate introduction

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Hilariously original blogger Shelley Stocken has proposed that whenever Meryl makes one of her increasingly infrequent public appearances, her host should introduce her to the audience with a great deal more honesty and accuracy than Meryl herself utters when she speaks. Something like this would do nicely:

Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, please welcome to the stage,
The best-known anti-vaccination fibber of our age.
A practitioner of obfuscation, fear and superstition,
Who’s been called out by the New South Wales Health Care Complaints Commission,
And the AMA, the ABC, OLGR and more.
She sells non-existent magazine subscriptions in her store.
Folks, the woman who’s about to speak to you in this pavilion
Doesn’t know what “research” means, nor “my mistake” nor “parts per billion”.
She doesn’t know ‘morbidity’ from ‘people being dead’;
And her only real credential is the brain inside her head;
A brain that pleads the Fifth when large donations disappear;
And that thinks “medical journal” means the same as “New Idea”
One that wanes when faced with facts, but faced with Natural News it waxes;
A brain that thinks that homeopathy is prophylaxis.
She’s an expert in the field of Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc;
You can bet the farm that everything she says today’s a crock.
It’s my pleasure to present, in all her dazed, downtrodden glory,
The queen of the conspiracy – I give you Meryl Dorey.

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